I'll continue to update this section, and if you're interested, be sure to check back periodically. Thank you for stopping by and for allowing me to share this exciting journey with you.
This photo was taken at the rehearsal dinner for my daughter's wedding end of June-2012. I ended up with diverticulits in May/June and lost about 8 pounds. Not the way I'd advise losing it. I was pretty much on a liquid diet for a month. Weight loss is still a mystery to me. No matter what I eat, or how much or little I exercise...it varies very little, but I have held off the pounds I lost during this awful attack and am happy for that. I am working on just being happy with who I am in this body...but that is a tough one. Work in progress, my friends...
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| September 2011 |
September 2, 2011
Can you tell that I really hate posting in this section? YUP! I have to be honest -between the stress of losing my mom, and not being able to work full time right now, I regained some of the lost weight and I'm ticked off as hell! So here is a photo taken yesterday in NYC, getting ready to shoot a promo for my event at Organic Avenue. I refuse to step on the scale, because I'm really terrified to see just how much I've gained back...so here I am. I'm trying to start walking again, but the IC flared up BIG time...so even that is difficult, but I keep plugging away. When I think of how I used to eat and how I'm eating now, it's unbelievable that I could be so overweight. My doc keeps telling me, that it will happen and to stop worrying about it...but....
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| BEFORE |
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| -25 pounds |
June 27, 2011
In one of our FaceBook groups, people have been really opening up and sharing some of their dark moments, insecurities, addictions, trials and tribulations. While many of you know I'm continually working to heal some of my resistant health issues, I don't talk a lot about my weight. If you've read my blog journal (Day to Day), you know that weight has been an ongoing issue, but lately, it seems I'm going in the other direction and started gaining some of what I lost when I started eating raw.
If you like, read my blog post about this past weekend's experience and then you will better understand the emotions that have surfaced. This is disheartening and frustrating as hell. My physician reassures me that it will all come together as I heal and to let go of the anxiety. We are working on my thyroid with specific nutrients and he promises it will fall into place, and the weight will come off.
The problem is when I had to view the pictures of myself that W took at the CookOff Competition. I found myself in a very self-loathing place, critically looking at pictures and wondering how I could edit them, literally, ripping myself apart. The show did not air on live stream, as it was supposed to, and while I was proud of the job I did, I'm cringing at the thought now, that people may actually see me on video - not just a head shot or cropped photo. This is disturbing to me. I want to be happy about winning this competition and celebrate the accomplishment. I want to be happy that I received incredible support from a crowd of strangers and without knowing it, they validated my desire to continue to follow my passion in raw food preparation. So, I'm just letting you know, that while I'm proud of the recipe, proud of the work I did in order to prepare for this event, proud of how much I've taught myself over the past year and a half, I am so not proud of the way I look, and in fact, feel ashamed and embarrassed. I fear people are going to say, "Oh, great, if this is what raw food does to you, no thanks." You know what I mean. How do I stand up and promote something so good and healthy, and have people look at me and think that I am certainly NOT the picture of good health and vitality. So, I'm still basking in the thrill of winning, but quietly contemplating how I am going to feel when the video comes out, and wondering how I move forward and get passed this fear and self condemnation? I've want to record videos for my readers. I think it's an awesome medium, but this fear really holds me back from doing all that I know I can...and now, it's in my face! Now you know my secret...
If you like, read my blog post about this past weekend's experience and then you will better understand the emotions that have surfaced. This is disheartening and frustrating as hell. My physician reassures me that it will all come together as I heal and to let go of the anxiety. We are working on my thyroid with specific nutrients and he promises it will fall into place, and the weight will come off.
The problem is when I had to view the pictures of myself that W took at the CookOff Competition. I found myself in a very self-loathing place, critically looking at pictures and wondering how I could edit them, literally, ripping myself apart. The show did not air on live stream, as it was supposed to, and while I was proud of the job I did, I'm cringing at the thought now, that people may actually see me on video - not just a head shot or cropped photo. This is disturbing to me. I want to be happy about winning this competition and celebrate the accomplishment. I want to be happy that I received incredible support from a crowd of strangers and without knowing it, they validated my desire to continue to follow my passion in raw food preparation. So, I'm just letting you know, that while I'm proud of the recipe, proud of the work I did in order to prepare for this event, proud of how much I've taught myself over the past year and a half, I am so not proud of the way I look, and in fact, feel ashamed and embarrassed. I fear people are going to say, "Oh, great, if this is what raw food does to you, no thanks." You know what I mean. How do I stand up and promote something so good and healthy, and have people look at me and think that I am certainly NOT the picture of good health and vitality. So, I'm still basking in the thrill of winning, but quietly contemplating how I am going to feel when the video comes out, and wondering how I move forward and get passed this fear and self condemnation? I've want to record videos for my readers. I think it's an awesome medium, but this fear really holds me back from doing all that I know I can...and now, it's in my face! Now you know my secret...
Thanks so much for your love and support, and all of your fabulous comments and feedback to my previous posts here and on Facebook. You guys ROCK! Blessings- Barbara
June 11, 2010
April 11, 2010
Not much to add at this point. Weight loss has been S L O W! I keep plugging away, trying different approaches. Still drinking a green smoothie or two every day, trying to keep it more veggies than fruit, but adding some fats back in, because I actually gained a couple of pounds back eliminating them. Most recent pics above at minus 22 pounds.
March 1, 2010
I have returned to the kitchen! It was a really long haul with 1.5 miserable weeks, but I am a lot better now. I'm still clogged in the head and hear a clicking in my ear drum, but I can chew again with no pain! I found out from the ENT that I have substantial hearing loss, especially in the higher pitches. He asked if I have problems in crowded situations where there is background noise. YES! Now at least I understand why it's so difficult when we go to a party and I'm trying to follow a conversation and end up feeling bored and disconnected. The bad news is that a hearing aid runs $2500 and insurance does not cover it.
The good news is I am back in the kitchen, making some incredible goodies. I taught my first food prep class yesterday and that went great! I published the dessert on my blog. We made Soothing Red Lentil Soup and Kelp Noodles With Creamy Avocado Pepper Sauce.We also prepared raw Spinach Cream Soup and Zippy Red Lentil Burgers. But dessert was the best!!!
Now to focus on getting healthy again. I am back on track and down 21 pounds total. Here we go!
Update February 22, 2010
Today I am minus 20.5 pounds, however, the past week has been unbearable. I developed an ear infection like "water on the ear" that was so brutal I could not bite down or chew,so have been living on a mostly liquid diet. This is the reason why I have not really been posting. The infection went into my sinuses and has affected my taste buds. It feels like I am not really tasting things accurately. I am pooped. This really knocked the crap out of me. I return to Doc today for 3rd follow-up and hearing test. I feel better today than I have and hopefully will return to the kitchen SOON.
Update: January 26, 2010
Today I am minus 15 pounds!!! I have a feeling the program that Dr. Elgarten has me on this week will produce even more weight loss.
I have been chopping up celery, raw pecans and raw sesame seeds, and adding them to the rice/shoyu mixture that the Doc wants me to eat, and it is pretty tasty. Also, this week, minimal onions and garlic, and no fruits, juices or sweets. Whatever the doc is doing, is helping.
Grains are a problem in relation to mold and I have to get the Jasmine rice here, where it is periodically tested for mold, and if moldy, they simply don't sell it. (For example, this week rice is unavailable, so thank goodness I have some stashed in the freezer).
Apparently, the Oshawa nama shoyu's microbial activity is good for the bile ducts and upper track where some major issues have arisen in my body. The combo of rice and shoyu helps deliver the microbes to the right place. (Layman's terms). It's a soy product, so I'm not thrilled, but it's the only soy I eat and it's temporary, so I'll do it for a bit.
Regardless, I am now sleeping 7-8 hours a night for the most part, losing weight, and managed to go out this weekend and have a good time! This is all good! My emotional state is much better. I feel happier more often and have fewer mood swings. This is amazing considering I am still home bound. I am having a blast exploring new foods, writing this blog, and reading. Life is a lot simpler, but I seem to be going with the flow better than ever.
*February 9, 2010 - Holy Molely!
A big change that I forgot to mention..I was loaded with tiny little skin tags all over my lower neck and 70-80% of them are gone. Disappeared! We noticed the same thing on W. He had a few on his face and chest area. Even moles are getting smaller, not so pronounced. I have a pretty big one on my scalp, under my hair that I HATE and it seems to be shrinking. That's a pretty amazing change. I had planned to see a skin doctor and have them removed and we joked about how much it would cost because there were so many tiny ones. I knew that my skin looked clearer and healthier, but I didn't realize why...
