Broken... and a Lot of Rice

(Painting by Lindsey E. Shevkun)

I am on a more restrictive diet this week as it's been a really rough "IC" week and this is what my Doc "prescribed." I have to consume 2-4 cups of jasmine rice each day with Nama Shoyu, and lots of fiber dense veggies, raw pecans and walnuts. While eating all of this rice, trying to do raw veggies feels more daunting.  I have to get more creative.  I may consider slightly steaming some of the veggies or putting in the dehydrator to soften a bit.

I am really tired of feeling so "broken"...

We tried to go out a couple of times in the past few weeks, and I find myself feeling very drained and disconnected. It is hard to put on a happy face and socialize easily. Sometimes, I just want to be back home in my jammies. I am working so hard, and have totally changed my lifestyle, and sometimes, I just lose hope and wonder if I am ever going to be "normal" again.

My doc said that my "system is broken" and that purging, repairing and functioning simultaneously are all taxing to the body. The fact is there are improvements! I cannot overlook these things. I have lost 13 pounds and I am sleeping!! I was not sleeping before, and now I am. I slept 8 hours last night, which is a miracle, and shows me that something is definitely changing in my body.

It seems right now that the more I am sleeping, the more tired I feel. So maybe the sleep is contributing to my body healing...and therefore, I do feel tired. I have to stick this out and remain calm, and continue to do what I know is best for me. Thank God for W! He has so much patience and supports me 100 percent when it comes to my getting healthy again. Doing this without support would be very difficult. Because I look okay on the outside, often people do not realize how badly I feel inside.

So, this week, its lots of rice and veggies, veggies, veggies and more veggies, oh, and did I say rice? I know that things will progress little by little and I will feel more energetic as time goes on. I think for now, I should put off the exercise I had committed to doing this year. I don't think my body is ready for it right now. What I probably should do, is use the rebounder at least a few mintues each day.  The rebounder is really good for flushing out the lymphatic system...and that certainly seems like it could help me right now, so long as I don't overdo it.  Here is to a better week...and more improvement!!!! Thank you for sharing this journey with me.

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